As You Wish Returns! UPDATE!!!!
Jul. 7th, 2004 06:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darth_stitchAll right. I finally, FINALLY knuckled down to my poor neglected WIP. Many many MANY THANKS to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
book_wyrm and vileseagulls for their help and patience while I got read of that DAMN FOOL Block.
Here it is, finally - Chapter Ten of As You Wish. Chapter Eleven will be up by my next LJ post.
Earlier chapters of As You Wish are HERE.
As You Wish
Chapter Ten: The Duel of Wits
Standard Disclaimers apply
***
The Rat was a victim of that most hated of all natural laws.
Murphy's Law.
Everything that could go wrong just did, against all the Rat's schemes and careful plans. And he absolutely hated that.
Plus, Snape STILL hadn't removed his brand new rat's tail. Curse that Potions Master! Greasy git didn't even have the decency to provide him with clear ammunition that he could cheerfully report to Count Malfoy, who in turn could trump it up as treason against Prince Voldemort.
Snape was definitely a challenge for the Rat's Famous Wits and the Rat had never before lost a challenge. There would be time and opportunity for some....creative thinking later, against one too-smart-for-his-own-bloody-good Potions Master. Right now, Peter the Rat had a mysterious Man in Black to face.
Snape had gone on ahead, leaving the Rat some pointed (and much-resented) instructions. It was insulting, really - as if Peter the Rat hadn't spent all his life outwitting and hoodwinking the strongest, the best and the brightest. The Art of the Con was his vocation and he could think of no higher calling.
"Come no closer," Peter the Sicilian Rat announced grandly as the Man in Black approached. "You forfeit your life if you do."
The Man in Black paused, unconsciously casting a heroic figure in the light of the rising sun. The Rat grimaced. Yes, well, they all look good. They all fight well. But in the end, he thought with malicious glee, they all fall before me!
"Dear me," drawled the Man in Black, doing an unconscious and near perfect mimicry of the Potion Master's tone and inflections. "Whatever shall you do to me, Master Rat? Strangle me with your tail?"
The Rat flinched and grabbed at his twitching new appendage, furtively trying to shove it behind him. "My reputation has preceeded me, I see," he replied coolly.
"Of course," answered the Man in Black. "Who hasn't heard and feared the magnificent intellect of Peter Pettigrew, the Rat of Sicily?"
The Rat might have been completely flattered except that he could definitely hear the mockery in the Man in Black's droll tones. Damn him. Well, two could play at this game.
"I'm afraid that I find myself disappointed, sir. I wonder why the Dread Pirate Roberts wanders far from his ship without the company of his infamous crew. You would have needed every man to get past me. As it is, this does not make me think highly of your intellect."
The Man in Black - well, all right, the Dread Pirate Roberts only smiled. "It's been a pleasure to chat with you, Master Rat but I really must catch up on old times with Prince Voldemort's Potions Master. It's a pressing appointment and I would really rather not be late."
The pirate strode forward and then stopped in surprise as the two of them were suddenly surrounded by a white light. The light flashed even brighter for a second and when it faded, they were seated on the ground, staring at each other over a large flat stone that served as a convenient table for a bottle of wine and two goblets.
The Rat smiled. "Have a drink."
"Thank you but no, I really must be going," Roberts tried to stand up but found that he could not.
The Rat's smile grew wider, displaying his fine long yellow teeth. "The moment that you walked towards me, the spell was activated. We are in the Circle cast for a Duel of Wits. Neither of us will be able to leave until one has outwitted the other and killed him."
"Useful trick," Roberts replied.
"Oh, very."
The Rat drew a vial from his sleeve. "This is a very special kind of poison prepared by our dear Potions Master Severus Snape."
"Only the best, of course," Roberts murmured.
"Oh, yes. This poison is odorless, tasteless and grants the poor unfortunate who drinks it an excruciatingly painful death."
The vial disappeared from the Rat's hand. Then, he poured the wine in both goblets and made several complicated gestures with his hands over the mouth of each vessel. When he was done, he put both goblets side by side and presented Roberts with the empty vial.
"The Duel of Wits has begun, Roberts. You must guess which is the poisoned cup. Once you have made your choice, we shall drink together and it will end with my laughing over your still-twitching, pain-wracked corpse."
"You're very confident," observed Roberts.
"My confidence is well-founded," the Rat said, beaming. And then, a look of mock-compassion filled his features. "Come now - I shall make it easier for you." He placed one goblet in front of the pirate and took the other. "Here - do you believe I am the sort of man who will poison his own cup or give it to his enemy?"
"Truly, your diabolic cleverness astounds me," Roberts murmured and this time, there was no hint of mockery there. In fact, the Rat's nose twitched at the sweetly familiar scent of fear. Oh yes!
"What I do is an Art, Master Pirate," the Rat told him. "Now a fool might choose to poison his own cup, for a wise man would not simply reach for what he was given."
"That reasoning would be sound."
"But then again, I might play the fool and keep the poison in my own cup, so that I may further confound you."
The pirate stirred uneasily. "I might have done it in your place."
"But then again, you have beaten my giant which suggests that you are stronger than the average man. You may have it in you to defeat the poison."
"You're stalling," the pirate bluffed and the bluff was so obvious that the Rat wished vainly that this was a game of poker instead - he could really use the money.
"And yet, you have also defeated my swordsman and the art of the sword requires not only physical strength but intellectual prowess. Therefore, you may choose not to trust your strength to such a powerful poison, especially since it was made by the hands of Severus Snape."
"One must never underestimate Severus Snape," the pirate agreed and the Rat relished the fear that the former could no longer hide. Ah, this was the moment he lived for - bringing the Dread Pirate Roberts himself to his knees.
The Rat could barely keep himself from crowing. "Ah well, only a true genius can solve this riddle and as I am the genius and you are not, you can only stretch your limited intelligence so far...."
"You're the one with the rat's tail, sir." The pirate smiled weakly. "I believe I can already make my choice."
"Well? Go on. Pick, choose - time's a wasting and I really must stretch my legs, this hard ground is most uncomfortable." The Rat rubbed the small of his back with a theatrical groan. Then a strange look crossed his face and the Rat pointed off just over the pirate's shoulder. "Merlin's beard, what is that?"
The pirate turned and looked behind him. "I don't see anything."
The Rat waved a hand, "Ah well, my mistake. Shall we drink?"
"Of course," said the pirate. And he picked up his goblet.
The Rat took up his own.
They toasted each other and drank.
And then, the Rat began to laugh.
"What so funny?" the Dread Pirate Roberts asked.
The Rat cackled gleefully. "You fool! You chose wrong!"
"Truly?"
"Oh yes! You fell victim to one of the most classic blunders! I switched the goblets while you weren't looking! You pathetic fool!"
And the Rat laughed and laughed and laughed until his laughter turned into shrill, squeaking, agonized cries of pain. His body twisted and turned until the pirate could hear his bones cracking and then and only then he fell dead.
The Dread Pirate Roberts found that he could finally move and so he stood up, dusting off dirt and grass. "Again, this was your best work, Potions Master," he said aloud.
The air behind him seemed to shimmer and then, Severus Snape appeared. Roberts turned to face him.
"The wine," Snape said casually, "was already poisoned. The Rat was getting to be an inconvenience. But I wonder why you're not dead."
"The Universal Antidote," the pirate answered mildly. "I've known some very skilled Potion Masters in my time."
"Very good," Snape purred. "Because I was really looking forward to killing you myself. And trust me, I shall make it as slow and as painful as possible."
-end chapter-
A/N: Onwards to The Reunion. Will put it up in my next LJ post! Whee!!!
book_wyrm and vileseagulls for their help and patience while I got read of that DAMN FOOL Block.Here it is, finally - Chapter Ten of As You Wish. Chapter Eleven will be up by my next LJ post.
Earlier chapters of As You Wish are HERE.
As You Wish
Chapter Ten: The Duel of Wits
Standard Disclaimers apply
***
The Rat was a victim of that most hated of all natural laws.
Murphy's Law.
Everything that could go wrong just did, against all the Rat's schemes and careful plans. And he absolutely hated that.
Plus, Snape STILL hadn't removed his brand new rat's tail. Curse that Potions Master! Greasy git didn't even have the decency to provide him with clear ammunition that he could cheerfully report to Count Malfoy, who in turn could trump it up as treason against Prince Voldemort.
Snape was definitely a challenge for the Rat's Famous Wits and the Rat had never before lost a challenge. There would be time and opportunity for some....creative thinking later, against one too-smart-for-his-own-bloody-good Potions Master. Right now, Peter the Rat had a mysterious Man in Black to face.
Snape had gone on ahead, leaving the Rat some pointed (and much-resented) instructions. It was insulting, really - as if Peter the Rat hadn't spent all his life outwitting and hoodwinking the strongest, the best and the brightest. The Art of the Con was his vocation and he could think of no higher calling.
"Come no closer," Peter the Sicilian Rat announced grandly as the Man in Black approached. "You forfeit your life if you do."
The Man in Black paused, unconsciously casting a heroic figure in the light of the rising sun. The Rat grimaced. Yes, well, they all look good. They all fight well. But in the end, he thought with malicious glee, they all fall before me!
"Dear me," drawled the Man in Black, doing an unconscious and near perfect mimicry of the Potion Master's tone and inflections. "Whatever shall you do to me, Master Rat? Strangle me with your tail?"
The Rat flinched and grabbed at his twitching new appendage, furtively trying to shove it behind him. "My reputation has preceeded me, I see," he replied coolly.
"Of course," answered the Man in Black. "Who hasn't heard and feared the magnificent intellect of Peter Pettigrew, the Rat of Sicily?"
The Rat might have been completely flattered except that he could definitely hear the mockery in the Man in Black's droll tones. Damn him. Well, two could play at this game.
"I'm afraid that I find myself disappointed, sir. I wonder why the Dread Pirate Roberts wanders far from his ship without the company of his infamous crew. You would have needed every man to get past me. As it is, this does not make me think highly of your intellect."
The Man in Black - well, all right, the Dread Pirate Roberts only smiled. "It's been a pleasure to chat with you, Master Rat but I really must catch up on old times with Prince Voldemort's Potions Master. It's a pressing appointment and I would really rather not be late."
The pirate strode forward and then stopped in surprise as the two of them were suddenly surrounded by a white light. The light flashed even brighter for a second and when it faded, they were seated on the ground, staring at each other over a large flat stone that served as a convenient table for a bottle of wine and two goblets.
The Rat smiled. "Have a drink."
"Thank you but no, I really must be going," Roberts tried to stand up but found that he could not.
The Rat's smile grew wider, displaying his fine long yellow teeth. "The moment that you walked towards me, the spell was activated. We are in the Circle cast for a Duel of Wits. Neither of us will be able to leave until one has outwitted the other and killed him."
"Useful trick," Roberts replied.
"Oh, very."
The Rat drew a vial from his sleeve. "This is a very special kind of poison prepared by our dear Potions Master Severus Snape."
"Only the best, of course," Roberts murmured.
"Oh, yes. This poison is odorless, tasteless and grants the poor unfortunate who drinks it an excruciatingly painful death."
The vial disappeared from the Rat's hand. Then, he poured the wine in both goblets and made several complicated gestures with his hands over the mouth of each vessel. When he was done, he put both goblets side by side and presented Roberts with the empty vial.
"The Duel of Wits has begun, Roberts. You must guess which is the poisoned cup. Once you have made your choice, we shall drink together and it will end with my laughing over your still-twitching, pain-wracked corpse."
"You're very confident," observed Roberts.
"My confidence is well-founded," the Rat said, beaming. And then, a look of mock-compassion filled his features. "Come now - I shall make it easier for you." He placed one goblet in front of the pirate and took the other. "Here - do you believe I am the sort of man who will poison his own cup or give it to his enemy?"
"Truly, your diabolic cleverness astounds me," Roberts murmured and this time, there was no hint of mockery there. In fact, the Rat's nose twitched at the sweetly familiar scent of fear. Oh yes!
"What I do is an Art, Master Pirate," the Rat told him. "Now a fool might choose to poison his own cup, for a wise man would not simply reach for what he was given."
"That reasoning would be sound."
"But then again, I might play the fool and keep the poison in my own cup, so that I may further confound you."
The pirate stirred uneasily. "I might have done it in your place."
"But then again, you have beaten my giant which suggests that you are stronger than the average man. You may have it in you to defeat the poison."
"You're stalling," the pirate bluffed and the bluff was so obvious that the Rat wished vainly that this was a game of poker instead - he could really use the money.
"And yet, you have also defeated my swordsman and the art of the sword requires not only physical strength but intellectual prowess. Therefore, you may choose not to trust your strength to such a powerful poison, especially since it was made by the hands of Severus Snape."
"One must never underestimate Severus Snape," the pirate agreed and the Rat relished the fear that the former could no longer hide. Ah, this was the moment he lived for - bringing the Dread Pirate Roberts himself to his knees.
The Rat could barely keep himself from crowing. "Ah well, only a true genius can solve this riddle and as I am the genius and you are not, you can only stretch your limited intelligence so far...."
"You're the one with the rat's tail, sir." The pirate smiled weakly. "I believe I can already make my choice."
"Well? Go on. Pick, choose - time's a wasting and I really must stretch my legs, this hard ground is most uncomfortable." The Rat rubbed the small of his back with a theatrical groan. Then a strange look crossed his face and the Rat pointed off just over the pirate's shoulder. "Merlin's beard, what is that?"
The pirate turned and looked behind him. "I don't see anything."
The Rat waved a hand, "Ah well, my mistake. Shall we drink?"
"Of course," said the pirate. And he picked up his goblet.
The Rat took up his own.
They toasted each other and drank.
And then, the Rat began to laugh.
"What so funny?" the Dread Pirate Roberts asked.
The Rat cackled gleefully. "You fool! You chose wrong!"
"Truly?"
"Oh yes! You fell victim to one of the most classic blunders! I switched the goblets while you weren't looking! You pathetic fool!"
And the Rat laughed and laughed and laughed until his laughter turned into shrill, squeaking, agonized cries of pain. His body twisted and turned until the pirate could hear his bones cracking and then and only then he fell dead.
The Dread Pirate Roberts found that he could finally move and so he stood up, dusting off dirt and grass. "Again, this was your best work, Potions Master," he said aloud.
The air behind him seemed to shimmer and then, Severus Snape appeared. Roberts turned to face him.
"The wine," Snape said casually, "was already poisoned. The Rat was getting to be an inconvenience. But I wonder why you're not dead."
"The Universal Antidote," the pirate answered mildly. "I've known some very skilled Potion Masters in my time."
"Very good," Snape purred. "Because I was really looking forward to killing you myself. And trust me, I shall make it as slow and as painful as possible."
-end chapter-
A/N: Onwards to The Reunion. Will put it up in my next LJ post! Whee!!!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:09 am (UTC)Now...I'm as glad to this update as the next man [or woman] but have you recovered from the attack of the evil uterus yet?
Don't over exert yourself.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 11:14 am (UTC)Never fear. Snapercup and Hastley are very good at making me forget my pain.
*rubs hands gleefully at the thought of The Reunion*
*chokes*
Date: 2004-07-07 12:48 pm (UTC)Re: *chokes*
Date: 2004-07-07 12:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 02:05 pm (UTC)*attempts to talk*
*hopes squeeing gets the point across*
*squees*
no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-07 06:40 pm (UTC)Were there no other reason to read this story, THAT line would be worth it all, baby. Fortunately, there are so many squeeful reasons to read this story! Yippee! For you I'm breaking my "no WIPs" rule, y'know.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-08 03:02 am (UTC)Hee. You figure Snapercup will share the exact same look the Snape in your icon has once we knuckle down to The Reunion?
no subject
Date: 2004-07-08 02:13 am (UTC)"Very good," Snape purred. "Because I was really looking forward to killing you myself."
I'm practically shivering in anticipation of The Reunion. If Snape only knew...
no subject
Date: 2004-07-08 03:37 am (UTC)*Saving like mad to read happily tomorrow*
yayhappiness!
Date: 2004-07-08 05:01 am (UTC)