Adjective overuse!

[darth_stitch]

All right, people. The Snape adjective most overused for the day is "onyx." As in "Snape's onyx eyes."



For heaven's sake, there's about a kazillion ways to describe a man's appearance and the color of his eyes without saying they're "onyx" every few words. They're dark. They could be brown. They could be black. They're obsidian. Hell, just keep it sweet and simple and the prose will not be overly, teeth-grittingly purple.

*headdesk* Yes, I've been reading the latest crop of Snarry fics. No, this is not a slam on ALL the fics - I have my favorites among the batch just like the rest of you do. I refrain from mentioning the worst offenders to spare people's feelings. I just reserve the right to rant in my little corner of the universe.

I'd rather see Snape with curly, wavy hair any day then another set of "Snape's onyx eyes flared with desire...."

Agh.

Comments

[cave-canem.livejournal.com]

The Snape adjective most overused for the day is "onyx." As in "Snape's onyx eyes."

You have made me realize that I don't think I've actually described Snape's eye color at any point in my stories. I'm not certain whether that's better or worse. But I am far more likely to use obsidian, black, or simply dark than onyx. Onyx is such a -- purple word on its own. Even obsidian is pushing it though its brown-blackishness is more evocative, I suppose.

I'll have to keep an eye open for over-used Snape adjectives while reading the new D-to-D crop.

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

My purple adjective/metaphor of choice is obsidian. Onyx, as anyone who has handled the stone in a working environment will know, is fairly soft and crumbly as gemstones go. It's not as bad as some, but it's certainly not powerful enough to symbolise Snape. It's also opaque and, frankly, boring in that regard.

Obsidian, on the other hand, is a translucent volcanic glass. It tends to be closer to a dark, warm grey than black, but it catches light and gives off some neat optical effects - sparks, things that look like flames. It's a very volatile-looking stone. It breaks with sharp edges, too, sometimes splintering into pretty swirls that slice your finger open when you touch them. If broken, you have to handle it carefully lest it make you bleed.

See? Really no contest.

Re:

[darth-stitch.livejournal.com]

Ooooooooooooh, I have to warn you - watch out for Weepy!Snape. *facepalms* The man is a tough, contrary, cranky sonuvabitch. Okay? Bursting into tears like a widdle girl is so NOT his thing. Ever. I'd buy it if he was a kid but for heaven's sake, the man is THIRTY EIGHT YEARS OLD!!!!!! Not four.

That's almost as bad as Weepy!I miss Sirius so much it hurts!Harry. No check, that. It's WORSE.

[bridgetmc.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever used the word onyx to describe Snape's eyes. It's so awkward to type and I rather just use "dark."

Re:

[darth-stitch.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's obsidian, not onyx. So noted! I bow to the greatness that is the Dark Lady Sushi!

*giggle*

And now I'm sure Lord Squiggy-kins will be vewy, vewy angwy that I've got you dancing and strutting again. He's a jealous bastard, ain't he.

Re:

[darth-stitch.livejournal.com]

Heh. I go for just saying the man has "dark eyes" too and not over do the fact that he has "dark eyes" (for heaven's sake, saying it once or twice is enough - we KNOW his eye color already!). It's a matter of style, really and the flair to do it well.

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[cave-canem.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's wrong. Snape-tears should be used only in the most stingy imaginable manner. 99 times out of 100 at least, I'm sure, Snape should do without the waterworks entirely, and then, with restraint, and most likely an absolute denial that he's leaking. g

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[darth-stitch.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Deny everything. "That's just an allergic reaction to all the dust." Or a potion. Really and truly.

Seriously. Yes - this man is not the type to bawl and go "poor widdle me." It's SNAPE, for heaven's sake. He'd hex and rant and scream but cry? Never.

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[sinick.livejournal.com]

Onyx isn't necessarily opaque. Translucent onyx is not at all unusual.

What's an even worse problem with using "onyx" as a synonym for "black", is the fact that it comes in lots of different colours and is commonly striped.

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[cave-canem.livejournal.com]

I see him "leaking at the eyes" more than crying if that makes sense at all. I think that in all but the most extreme cases, he'd treat it as just another involuntary bodily function that the wise will do well not to mention. Ever.

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[darth-stitch.livejournal.com]

Tell Snape that he had...ahem, tears in his eyes? No, thank you very much. I like being an Evil Blue Alien Half-Vampiric Genetic Experiment. Getting turned into a flobberworm and used for potions ingredients would NOT be fun. Mweh.

Re:

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

Duh, I keep forgetting about white onyx. I've never seen translucent black, but, yeah, it's the chemical composition and not the pigment that indicates the stone.

I'm brain dead tonight. And stuck on metal, so gems get less attention.

[murasaki99.livejournal.com]

Too true with the onyx - and yes, it comes in many colors including stripy and white. A good substitute would be 'jet' which was an affordable gemstone made of very hard anthracite, which is coal. Very black. :-)

Me, I just used 'dark', at least until Eregion played doctor with the good Professor and turned his eyes topaz-stripy. Beware the fine print in a peredhil contract! ^__^