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darth_stitch*grins* This is the result of me being terrified out of my mind and bawling my eyes out for Telanu's Harry and Severus, after reading the latest installment of her Tea Series.
I need fluff, stat!
ETA: This actually has a prequel! And I only just realized it now. :P So for those who missed it before, this is the Shroom Kitty story - Domestic Bliss, Take One
Domestic Bliss, Take Two
by Darth Stitch
DISCLAIMER: Only borrowing. Will put 'em back when I'm done.
***
"SEVVIE!!"
Severus wondered if it wasn't too late to run.
Only two people on this entire planet had the sheer, utter gall to call him by that unspeakably horrifying nickname. In fact, getting called "Snivellus" by the entire student body of Hogwarts for all seven years of his schooling had nothing on this.
And of course, Ye Dafte Olde Coote had actually picked up his purple and pink colored robes and run for dear life. Aunt Wilhelmina had never tired of trying to ensnare Albus Dumbledore into marriage.
God damn him. Leaving him alone to face the horror like this. Didn't even have the decency to let Severus enjoy the spectacle of Albus Dumbledore fleeing in sheer terror for another day. How could he savor that triumph now, with this impending doom at hand?
There they were in their flamboyant hats and matching dresses, only that one was bright fuschia and the other was a royal purple. Aunt Philomena preferred royal purple above all colors, because it was her "signature" and topped off the ensemble with her trademark peacock hat. Aunt Wilhelmina went for anything bright and sparkly and the flamingo on her hat tilted at a jaunty, even rakish angle. But they did, of course, match dress styles, varying the colors for spice.
They WOULD be, of course, Snapes - because naturally anybody on his father's side of the family lived to give Severus grief.
"Sevvie-darling, how very good to see you!" Aunt Wilhelmina cooed, bustling over to give him a pinch on the cheek. The flamingo on her hat was busy pecking at Severus' hair - as usual. "Goodness, you've put on a bit of weight, haven't you? Finally!"
Severus resisted the urge to check himself all over if he was - oh the horror! - putting on weight. Perhaps he should blame Harry for that - Harry seemed to be of the opinion that Severus was as "thin as a scarecrow" and should be fed accordingly.
Not that he minded it much - Harry was a surprisingly good cook.
"That young man of his has been taking very good care of him, I expect," Aunt Philomena boomed. The peacock on her hat spread its bright feathers wide and preened. "Excellent taste in companions, Sevvie-dearest. And if you know what's good for you, you'll do everything in your power to keep him and keep him happy."
"Aurelius never knew what a treasure he had in darling Sophia," Aunt Wilhelmina put in.
"More fool he," Aunt Philomena said grimly. "Disgrace to the family name."
"Philomena! Not in front of the boy! He was still our Sevvie's father after all," Aunt WIlhelmina scolded.
Severus did not want to get into a long and heated family discussion right outside the castle, where they could probably be seen by every nosy soul in Hogwarts. And he had no intention of further entertaining them with the spectacle of their most feared and hated professor getting his cheeks pinched and being cooed over by his "dear" aunts.
"My 'dearest' Aunts," Severus began, "as...delighted as I am seeing you here, perhaps it would be best if we continue our reunion in my chambers?"
He smoothly began to guide them in the general direction of the dungeons, hoping against hope...
"Oooh, such a gentlemen our darling Sevvie is," Aunt Wilhelmina trilled.
... that Harry wasn't waiting for him in his chambers.
***
The only good thing about this was that Harry was not waiting for him in his chambers naked.
Of course those tight-fitting Muggle jeans that showed off the curve of Harry's delectable little arse wasn't doing Severus' wits and general poise any favors.
"Oh, is THIS your young man, Sevvie-dear?" Aunt Wilhelmina caroled. "Why, he's absolutely adorable!"
The flamingo on her head was quite taken with Harry's perpetually messy hair. Harry squeaked at the instant grooming he was suddenly getting, green eyes going very wide.
Aunt Philomena was giving Harry a very interested once-over. "Hmmm. Good child-bearing hips on the lad."
Severus choked.
Harry turned an alarming shade of red, that ordinarily would have made Severus kiss him silly, except that they had a far too interested audience.
"Well, don't just stand there gawping, Sevvie - introduce us so he can give his aunts a kiss!" Aunt Philomena barked.
"Not that we don't know of you, dear Mr. Potter but we do like to do things properly here," Aunt Wilhelmina added, dimpling prettily.
Severus took a deep breath. Didn't they say that a true test of any relationship was meeting the relatives?
"Aunts, may I present to you Mr. Harry Potter. Harry, these are my Aunts Wilhelmina and Philomena Snape." He really wanted to say more, like, "God help you" and "Run for your life" but any time he was in the presence of The Aunts of Doom, he was reduced to ten years old again, a model wizarding pureblood child. At least, that was how he played it in front of the adults, of course.
"Charming little rabbit, aren't you?" Aunt Wilhelmina crooned, pinching his cheek. The flamingo was having an ecstatic time pecking at Harry's hair and he could do nothing but suffer through the bird's loving attentions.
"The rabbit thing is HEREDITARY?!" Harry exclaimed.
Severus facepalmed.
Oh God, Harry HAD been at the coffee.
"What rabbit thing?" Aunt Philomena asked.
"Nothing important," Severus began to say but Harry was blithely nattering on.
"Oh that's his pet name for me. Er. Ooops. I shouldn't have said that."
YOU DOLT! Severus wanted to yell at him. But it was far too late for that.
"Oh, isn't that absolutely precious?" Aunt Wilhelmina said happily.
"Sevvie's precious widdle bunnykins."
"Oh God," At that moment, Severus was fervently hoping for anyone, anything, even Voldemort rising up from the dead, to get him out of this situation.
Then again, he could always contemplate what punishment he was going to inflict on Harry for THAT disaster. Harry wasn't going to get him with that wide-eyed innocent look this time!
"Oh good call, that," Aunt Philomena said cheerfully. "If he's a precious little bunny, he'll breed like one and we'll have grandnephews to bounce on our knees before long."
"Grandnieces too!"
"Half a dozen, at the very least!"
"Meep!" That from Harry and Severus would have enjoyed his discomfiture except that he was just as doomed.
"So you must get busy, Sevvie-dearest," Aunt Wilhelmina told him quite firmly. "Perhaps it's time we took a hand in planning your wedding."
"Ah - I think it's rather too early to start thinking of such things..." Severus began, giving a valiant, near-Gryffindor effort towards a losing battle. Gryffindor - Harry was a terrible influence on him now.
"Yeah, really early! Honest!" Harry was almost incoherent but then that was par for the course.
And then, blessed rescue.
"MIAAAAAOOOOWWWW!"
The door to Severus' chambers opened and before he could yell at the cats for getting past his carefully constructed wards yet AGAIN, he saw that Shroom and Duncan Kitty had brought a very welcome visitor.
Minerva McGonagall.
"Hullo, girls!" Minerva said cheerfully. "It's been ages."
"Minnie darling!"
"Minerva! You look smashing!"
And there Minerva was, taking Severus' Aunts in hand and leading them out of his chambers, blessedly out of his hair.
"... and Albus has positively been pining for you, 'Mina," Minerva chattered on. "I'm sure he'll appreciate a visit from us. He misses you so."
Right. Good of the old cat to pass this on to Ye Dafte Olde Coote and Severus couldn't think of a person who deserved it more.
"Oh, Minerva!" Aunt Whilhelmina blushed like a very young girl.
And then Minerva tossed Severus a very saucy wink.
'Thank you,' Severus mouthed at her, knowing that he owed her a very great deal for this.
"What about us?" Shroom Kitty said from at their feet.
"What about you, cats?" Severus said with his best glower.
"Well, we DID get the Grand Lady Cat to save you," Duncan pointed out.
"He's got a point there," Harry observed, somehow worming his way into Severus' arms.
"With no help from you, brat," Severus told him sternly. The effect was spoiled a bit with him nuzzling into Harry's hair. But then, it was so very irressistable and the aunts weren't there to see.
Finally.
"Salmon," Shroom Kitty said loftily, "would be appreciated."
"Mrrrow?" Duncan Kitty twined his way around Severus' ankles.
Severus sighed. He was completely whipped by mate and cats. He knew when to give in.
"As you wish."
- end -
A/N: As you know, I REALLY hate the "Sevvie" nickname. *cringes* So it would have to be used by Sev's EEBIL Aunts. They're the only people who can use it and live to tell the tale! XD
With many, many thanks to Frances for starting beta and KJ for finishing the beta job. And to Angie-Moo, who gave the Aunts their names. XD
ETA: Again, thanks to KJ for the titles! XD
I need fluff, stat!
ETA: This actually has a prequel! And I only just realized it now. :P So for those who missed it before, this is the Shroom Kitty story - Domestic Bliss, Take One
Domestic Bliss, Take Two
by Darth Stitch
DISCLAIMER: Only borrowing. Will put 'em back when I'm done.
***
"SEVVIE!!"
Severus wondered if it wasn't too late to run.
Only two people on this entire planet had the sheer, utter gall to call him by that unspeakably horrifying nickname. In fact, getting called "Snivellus" by the entire student body of Hogwarts for all seven years of his schooling had nothing on this.
And of course, Ye Dafte Olde Coote had actually picked up his purple and pink colored robes and run for dear life. Aunt Wilhelmina had never tired of trying to ensnare Albus Dumbledore into marriage.
God damn him. Leaving him alone to face the horror like this. Didn't even have the decency to let Severus enjoy the spectacle of Albus Dumbledore fleeing in sheer terror for another day. How could he savor that triumph now, with this impending doom at hand?
There they were in their flamboyant hats and matching dresses, only that one was bright fuschia and the other was a royal purple. Aunt Philomena preferred royal purple above all colors, because it was her "signature" and topped off the ensemble with her trademark peacock hat. Aunt Wilhelmina went for anything bright and sparkly and the flamingo on her hat tilted at a jaunty, even rakish angle. But they did, of course, match dress styles, varying the colors for spice.
They WOULD be, of course, Snapes - because naturally anybody on his father's side of the family lived to give Severus grief.
"Sevvie-darling, how very good to see you!" Aunt Wilhelmina cooed, bustling over to give him a pinch on the cheek. The flamingo on her hat was busy pecking at Severus' hair - as usual. "Goodness, you've put on a bit of weight, haven't you? Finally!"
Severus resisted the urge to check himself all over if he was - oh the horror! - putting on weight. Perhaps he should blame Harry for that - Harry seemed to be of the opinion that Severus was as "thin as a scarecrow" and should be fed accordingly.
Not that he minded it much - Harry was a surprisingly good cook.
"That young man of his has been taking very good care of him, I expect," Aunt Philomena boomed. The peacock on her hat spread its bright feathers wide and preened. "Excellent taste in companions, Sevvie-dearest. And if you know what's good for you, you'll do everything in your power to keep him and keep him happy."
"Aurelius never knew what a treasure he had in darling Sophia," Aunt Wilhelmina put in.
"More fool he," Aunt Philomena said grimly. "Disgrace to the family name."
"Philomena! Not in front of the boy! He was still our Sevvie's father after all," Aunt WIlhelmina scolded.
Severus did not want to get into a long and heated family discussion right outside the castle, where they could probably be seen by every nosy soul in Hogwarts. And he had no intention of further entertaining them with the spectacle of their most feared and hated professor getting his cheeks pinched and being cooed over by his "dear" aunts.
"My 'dearest' Aunts," Severus began, "as...delighted as I am seeing you here, perhaps it would be best if we continue our reunion in my chambers?"
He smoothly began to guide them in the general direction of the dungeons, hoping against hope...
"Oooh, such a gentlemen our darling Sevvie is," Aunt Wilhelmina trilled.
... that Harry wasn't waiting for him in his chambers.
***
The only good thing about this was that Harry was not waiting for him in his chambers naked.
Of course those tight-fitting Muggle jeans that showed off the curve of Harry's delectable little arse wasn't doing Severus' wits and general poise any favors.
"Oh, is THIS your young man, Sevvie-dear?" Aunt Wilhelmina caroled. "Why, he's absolutely adorable!"
The flamingo on her head was quite taken with Harry's perpetually messy hair. Harry squeaked at the instant grooming he was suddenly getting, green eyes going very wide.
Aunt Philomena was giving Harry a very interested once-over. "Hmmm. Good child-bearing hips on the lad."
Severus choked.
Harry turned an alarming shade of red, that ordinarily would have made Severus kiss him silly, except that they had a far too interested audience.
"Well, don't just stand there gawping, Sevvie - introduce us so he can give his aunts a kiss!" Aunt Philomena barked.
"Not that we don't know of you, dear Mr. Potter but we do like to do things properly here," Aunt Wilhelmina added, dimpling prettily.
Severus took a deep breath. Didn't they say that a true test of any relationship was meeting the relatives?
"Aunts, may I present to you Mr. Harry Potter. Harry, these are my Aunts Wilhelmina and Philomena Snape." He really wanted to say more, like, "God help you" and "Run for your life" but any time he was in the presence of The Aunts of Doom, he was reduced to ten years old again, a model wizarding pureblood child. At least, that was how he played it in front of the adults, of course.
"Charming little rabbit, aren't you?" Aunt Wilhelmina crooned, pinching his cheek. The flamingo was having an ecstatic time pecking at Harry's hair and he could do nothing but suffer through the bird's loving attentions.
"The rabbit thing is HEREDITARY?!" Harry exclaimed.
Severus facepalmed.
Oh God, Harry HAD been at the coffee.
"What rabbit thing?" Aunt Philomena asked.
"Nothing important," Severus began to say but Harry was blithely nattering on.
"Oh that's his pet name for me. Er. Ooops. I shouldn't have said that."
YOU DOLT! Severus wanted to yell at him. But it was far too late for that.
"Oh, isn't that absolutely precious?" Aunt Wilhelmina said happily.
"Sevvie's precious widdle bunnykins."
"Oh God," At that moment, Severus was fervently hoping for anyone, anything, even Voldemort rising up from the dead, to get him out of this situation.
Then again, he could always contemplate what punishment he was going to inflict on Harry for THAT disaster. Harry wasn't going to get him with that wide-eyed innocent look this time!
"Oh good call, that," Aunt Philomena said cheerfully. "If he's a precious little bunny, he'll breed like one and we'll have grandnephews to bounce on our knees before long."
"Grandnieces too!"
"Half a dozen, at the very least!"
"Meep!" That from Harry and Severus would have enjoyed his discomfiture except that he was just as doomed.
"So you must get busy, Sevvie-dearest," Aunt Wilhelmina told him quite firmly. "Perhaps it's time we took a hand in planning your wedding."
"Ah - I think it's rather too early to start thinking of such things..." Severus began, giving a valiant, near-Gryffindor effort towards a losing battle. Gryffindor - Harry was a terrible influence on him now.
"Yeah, really early! Honest!" Harry was almost incoherent but then that was par for the course.
And then, blessed rescue.
"MIAAAAAOOOOWWWW!"
The door to Severus' chambers opened and before he could yell at the cats for getting past his carefully constructed wards yet AGAIN, he saw that Shroom and Duncan Kitty had brought a very welcome visitor.
Minerva McGonagall.
"Hullo, girls!" Minerva said cheerfully. "It's been ages."
"Minnie darling!"
"Minerva! You look smashing!"
And there Minerva was, taking Severus' Aunts in hand and leading them out of his chambers, blessedly out of his hair.
"... and Albus has positively been pining for you, 'Mina," Minerva chattered on. "I'm sure he'll appreciate a visit from us. He misses you so."
Right. Good of the old cat to pass this on to Ye Dafte Olde Coote and Severus couldn't think of a person who deserved it more.
"Oh, Minerva!" Aunt Whilhelmina blushed like a very young girl.
And then Minerva tossed Severus a very saucy wink.
'Thank you,' Severus mouthed at her, knowing that he owed her a very great deal for this.
"What about us?" Shroom Kitty said from at their feet.
"What about you, cats?" Severus said with his best glower.
"Well, we DID get the Grand Lady Cat to save you," Duncan pointed out.
"He's got a point there," Harry observed, somehow worming his way into Severus' arms.
"With no help from you, brat," Severus told him sternly. The effect was spoiled a bit with him nuzzling into Harry's hair. But then, it was so very irressistable and the aunts weren't there to see.
Finally.
"Salmon," Shroom Kitty said loftily, "would be appreciated."
"Mrrrow?" Duncan Kitty twined his way around Severus' ankles.
Severus sighed. He was completely whipped by mate and cats. He knew when to give in.
"As you wish."
- end -
A/N: As you know, I REALLY hate the "Sevvie" nickname. *cringes* So it would have to be used by Sev's EEBIL Aunts. They're the only people who can use it and live to tell the tale! XD
With many, many thanks to Frances for starting beta and KJ for finishing the beta job. And to Angie-Moo, who gave the Aunts their names. XD
ETA: Again, thanks to KJ for the titles! XD
